Tag: anxiety

The Question of the Hills

“I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.”
Psalm 121:1-2

My mother is an identical twin and my father looks a lot like his brother. Growing up I have numerous stories of when I couldn’t keep them all straight from one another. When I was 8 I have a vivid memory of such a time.

I was with my Dad, his brother and my cousins. We were walking down an unknown wooded path towards a beach. I had never been in this place before and it all was confusing, I wondered constantly if we were actually lost and they weren’t telling me. In my fear and nervousness, I grabbed my Dad’s hand and walked along with him for a little while.

At one point, looking up to my Dad for further reassurance, I became quite startled. I hadn’t grabbed my Dad’s hand at all… it was his brother and I had been holding the wrong hand all along! Now I felt really anxious and just wanted to go home.

My Uncle had a good chuckle when he saw me realize my mistake. No harm was done and I recovered from my little error. This moment, though, is very vivid to me.

David had such moments constantly because he knew the human heart. In times of fear, distress, uncertainty and anxiety God designed the heart to grab the hand of the one we trust. This is all heart warming until we have those startling moments that the one we trust is not our good Father but false idols that learned to trust in times of ease, peace and safety.

In Psalm 121 David famously says, “I lift up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come?”. David wasn’t just having a lovely moment of reflection on the beauty of the horizon. In David’s time, the tops of the hills was where all the temples to the idols sat.

The Old Testament repeats this ad nauseam, “Look to the hills, do you trust those idols or the God who made not only the hills but the wood those idols are made of?”. David reminds himself, “My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”

The reality is, in times of distress and when we need help the most, this is when the idols of our heart are exposed. The human heart has a tendency to build idols in times of peace, prosperity and self-sufficiency. We discover what those idols are when we lose control of our lives.

God desires us to be free from idols. Not because he randomly is trying to punish us. Idols enslave, bring anxiety and cannot save. Shouldn’t we all want freedom from that?

“I life up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? The question of the hills is, “What or whom do you trust instead of the creator of the heavens and the earth?”

I know, for me, this global pandemic is revealing to me the idols of my heart that were hidden in better times. When we are anxious or fearful, it is the human instinct to reach up and grab the hand of the one we trust. Sometimes, though, we realize the hand we grabbed is not our good Father but a false imposter.

In this time of distress are you grabbing the hand of your father or do you realize there are other hands you grabbed? Are there other places you had trusted, that can’t really save or help? Realizing this is not a place of condemnation, it is a doorway to greater freedom.

What or whom do you trust instead of the creator of the heavens and the earth?

Additional Resource:
Bridgetown Church in Portland, Oregon has a wealth of teachings and podcasts that I have benefitted from. In this season of the Covid-19 Pandemic they are doing a series called, “Bridgetown Daily“. Each podcast is a 10 minutes or less devotional with a daily meditation on scripture, a quote, or the life of a Saint to ground you in God and His peace. I would highly recommend it to you!

These People are Worthless

Give us aid against our enemy,
for human help is worthless.
Psalm 60:11

In the asking-for-help department, most of us struggle to do it. We all know we should do it more. Often we settle with just being bad at it. For some, it is born out of pain and disappointment in the past. For others, you grew up in a family culture that modeled a “pull your self up by your bootstraps” attitude.

In times of distress, asking for help can be strangely more difficult. It really should be the time we are most prone to reach out.

I remember a very humbling period of my life where I had to face this choice. I was single and very poor. Not, “I can only drive a Honda and not an Audi” poor. But actual, “I can’t afford rent let alone food poor”.

Each day I would wake up and try to figure out how I could patch together three meals, if possible. I stole meals at the student campus where I worked (another story, but yes, I ate and did not pay). I visited friends around the dinner hour. I declared myself on a 40 Day Fast! (my friends were so impressed at my spirituality, they didn’t know it was a money saving campaign). I tried my best to figure out the cheapest food possible. Things got quite desperate and when all was said and done I had to do the very worst thing imaginable.

I asked for help.

Living in South Africa at the time, I went to a local friend. Reluctantly and embarrassingly I laid out my whole situation to her. I didn’t mention the stealing or non-spiritual 40 Day Fast, just the dire lack of money. She herself had grown up in real poverty and just looked at me and calmly said, “Well, first of all, Americans are terrible at cooking on a budget, your people eat too much meat and waste money on sugary snacks. You’ll have to learn to cook like an African.” I’m not making this up, she really told me that. And it was true. I had not been prepared to feed myself on very little and she helped me immensely.

There began a whole food make-over in my life. I learned how to cook in a new way. She taught me a host of other money saving changes to my life. I didn’t hit the lottery jackpot which would have been my preferred outcome. I did scrounge enough to pay back for what I stole, of that I am thankful.

I made it through that season, mostly due to my friend who helped.

I think back to those years when I read David’s words in Psalm 60, “Give me aide against my enemy for human help is worthless”. These words are not a motto to live by, they are the prayer of a man stuck in cynicism and independence.

We all feel that people are no good to us, at times. But this is not a place to dwell in, it is an expression of cynicism, perhaps hurt or even regret. God calls us to be people who actually ask for help. We are not supposed to turn to God simply because we refuse to turn to others. God wanted David to turn to Him and others for help.

The truth is, we aren’t forced out of our independence in good times. Crisis, pain, depression, and lack. These are seasons when we finally break down and say, “I need help.” For some of us, the desperation has to get really acute.

I didn’t enjoy lack of money or being able to feed myself. But, I know, apart from that situation, I would never have humbled myself and gone to a friend and said, “I can’t do it on my own.” Often my excuse was, “It’s not like I know of people who can solve my problem”. For me, the only reason I should lower myself to ask for help is if the person could solve my problem. My friend didn’t solve my problem, didn’t magically give me the money I needed or the free food I wanted. What she did was enter into my problem, walked along side me, was a faithful presence with me. I’m forever grateful God used that situation to push me towards others (and learning a new way to live).

If you are in a time of emotional, physical or spiritual difficulty. Reach out to God, he is our ever-present help in time of need. Don’t stop there, though, perhaps God is using this season to shout from the roof-tops, “Reach out to others. Humble yourself! Admit your need! Ask for help!”

Maybe you are like me and wouldn’t learn this truth any other way.

Bonus Resource:
You might be someone who struggles to find the words on what you are going through, name the season you are in or just express yourself to others. I am that way. One tool I really love is the “Wheel of Emotions”. Those who know me, know I sure do love the wheel! This might be helpful for you in identify what you are going through, as a tool for journaling or just asking yourself, “what the heck am I feeling right now!?” Feel free to save it and print it out for your own use!

Digital Discipleship

Can you fall asleep at night without listening to a podcast or having a TV playing in the background?
Do you get anxious if you can’t find your phone?
When is the last time you forgot to check your phone for 3 or more hours?
Can you have a coffee with a friend without your phone on the table?
Can you share a meal with friends without checking your phone?
Are you able to read a book or sit quietly without feeling anxious or a having a constant distracted mind?
Can you post something on social media and not check the response until six or more hours later?
When is the last time you woke up and didn’t look at your phone until one or two hours later?

If you are like me… one or more of those questions might have caused a small cringe moment.

I believe one of the greatest needs amongst Christians today is digital discipleship. I do not mean people discipled through digital outlets. Digital discipleship is followers of Jesus who are purposeful and intentional in their relationship with the digital world. People who have gone through a serious and strenuous re-orientation when needed. People who have brutally faced how their phone and social media have shaped their inner world and dehumanized their outer world.

Basically asking question, how would Jesus use a cell phone?

The only serious discussion happening in the church is regarding porn. It is no secret that I think porn ruins our sexual, relational and spiritual lives. But let’s set that aside.

Where are intentional discussions happening around every other aspect of this digital world we swim in? Where and how are Christians being challenged to think about what how a Jesus follower interacts with their phone, Netflix or podcasts?

The reality is, we are affected deeply by the invasive presence of text messages, social media, web browsing, on-demand television, and podcasts.

We often feel a nagging discomfort about this area of our lives. But there are hard realities we rarely face.

Daily digital presence predicts, with scary accuracy, a persons’ levels of anxiety and depression. Do you constantly check social media and binge on Netflix regularly? The statistics tell us you likely also struggle with regular anxiety and/or bouts of depression.

Did you know that silence is actually needed to regenerate brain cells in your hippocampus? This is the area of the brain associated with learning, memory and emotion. The average person now has almost zero minutes of silence each day. Our brains are like toddlers who ate Twinkies all day, skipped both naps and who has stayed at a party way to long.

Of course we all see daily parents who talk to their kids while staring at a screen. Friends who sit in a restaurant, speaking out snippets of thoughts here or there, never engaging in deep meaningful conversation.

I’m not saying all this to point a finger or induce false guilt. But, truly, this is us.

Here’s where some of those questions are leading. Would you (or me!) describe your relationship with the digital world as compulsive, invasive or controlling?

I’ll be brutally honest. In Christian circles, I hear a lot of people declaring that depression and anxiety have no hold on them.

We want less anxiety but we can’t be alone with our own thoughts. Our lives set-up our brains to produce more and more stress hormones with hour after hour of digital engagement. Whether scrolling Instagram for an hour each night or watching hours of Netflix instead of being bored. The enemy is in the camp. We need to admit that.

I believe in God’s power to heal but God is not going to magically heal anxiety in a life we can’t face. Anxiety will not decrease while our escapism increases.

I also hear Christians say with conviction that loving people is their life purpose.

I don’t know who we plan on loving when we spend more time with pictures of people than actual people. “Loving people” will be a nice saying painted on our wall but not a reality in our lives.

We need to get serious about digital discipleship. Being people who are intentionally and painfully re-orientating our lives in this digital age.

He longs for us to serve a more generous and life-giving Master.

We can embrace the benefits of this digital world (there are many). We can also reject the burden it has become on our lives.

In my next post I will share some thoughts on practical ways we can slowly start to re-orientate our lives. Away from a life filled with noise, anxiety and non-human relationships. Towards living with more peace, life and God intended relational wholeness.

Until then, take some time to think, “Am I content with my relationship to the digital world? Is it bringing me peace, life and relational wholeness?”

** I am not suggesting that all anxiety and depression is solely caused by our levels of digital engagement. These issues are unique and multi-layered for each person. Increasingly, though, studies do suggest that re-calibrating our digital engagement would, at the minimum, be extremely helpful in our journey with these issues.